Honoring Being

In his book "Radical Parenting: Seven Steps To a Functional Family in a Dysfunctional World" Brad Blanton poses the question "What would a family organized around values that honor being, rather than obedience to authority, be like?"

This is something I have as my vision for this life. To honor the being in myself and others, to just let us be! I was watching our beloved cats the other day. What a wonderful life they have. They come and they go. They have a full bowl of food available at all times and fresh water and loads of love. We love them dearly and let them do their thing. Never once a moment of, "Honey, do you think that Moe is sleeping too much?" "Honey, do you think he ate too much?" They come and go as they please. I trust the life that they are.

I had a chat with my husband about that being the kind of life I want for all of us. To come and go as we please. Follow our inner self, our inner being, let the life force that moves through us, lead us. Growing up in this world I have learned to answer to an external authority in so many ways: parents, teachers, friends, culture and even God. Trying to be obedient to these authorities has been very painful and deadening to my free spirit.

It is our family intention that we be who we be and let the inner life force guide us. My children have an easier time of it than I do, as I am still in the process of deprogramming my reliance on externals to feel whole and complete. I must get out of their way. Having a strong desire for their freedom motivates me to find my own. It is really true that I can only give what I have. The more space I allow myself to be, it just naturally flows out to those in my life. Using my role as parent to notice the blocks that I have to the awareness of loves presence I free up my whole being. That is the greatest gift I can offer them.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

The Present Moment

This is from "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle

"The present moment is sometimes unacceptable, unpleasant or awful.

It is as it is. Observe how the mind labels it and how this labeling process, this continuous sitting in judgement creates pain and unhappiness. By watching the mechanics of the mind you can step out of its resistance to patterns, and you can then allow the present moment to be. This will give you a taste of the state of inner freedom from external conditions, the state off true inner peace. Then see what happens and take action if necessary or possible.

Accept--then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life."

In my journey I have done enough emotional release work and shifting of limiting beliefs where Peace is now the predominant energy that runs through our house. There are still those times when the present moment appears unacceptable to me. In these moments I have allowed myself to get caught up in externals and I leave my peaceful presence. Sometimes in my attempt to regain my experience of peace, I shift my focus to managing (controlling) the world so I will feel better. I have found that tactic to be brief and in the long run unsuccessful. When I can keep my focus on my inner experience, permanent shifts happen.

It is a completely different experience to managing the world from the mind or inner imbalance than from allowing actions to flow from a clear place. I love to say that it never matters "what" we do it matters with what intention or energy that we do "it" with.

I love this Zen proverb:

Before enlightenment
Chop wood, carry water

After enlightenment
Chop wood, carry water

We are still doing our business, yet one experience can be full of stress and thoughts, of past and future. The other experience can be full of peace and joy, of now.

So the next time you are faced with a present moment and you argue with it, you perceive it as unacceptable and THINK you want to change it. Stop for a moment and just let it be. As you let it be, just breathe.

Last night I was sitting on the couch enjoying my diner, watching the boys playing their Tony Hawk video game. I was savoring the beauty of it all. I looked out over the living room and I saw piles of clothes everywhere. We have been going through old winter clothes. I have been putting them back into their containers and then life will offer a moment of inspiration through the boys and they will dump them out to use the containers for a moment. Seems like the piles have been migrating around for days. It almost looks like new carpet I think. Beautiful. I say outloud "Hmmm, I wonder how long these clothes will stay here?" My son replies, "I think they will be here until you invite friends over and then you will feel the need to clean."

I am so MAD!

Anytime you are in reaction to your kids, having an "unpleasant" emotional response to something they are doing or how you might perceive them to be, you are tapping into your unresolved feelings from your own past.

So if you find yourself being mad, stop and check in with your emotional experience. See if you can locate it in your body. See if any images from your childhood come up around this similar experience. If your child is being free and joyous in a place you might perceive as calling for more restraint, why the emotional response from you? Were you told to be quiet often in your own childhood?

To start the process of integrating these emotions, just notice and feel your feelings. Feel them in the context of the past, not the present. I am so mad at my son for not listening becomes I am so sad. My parents never listened to me. Sadness is too painful so I will be mad instead.

Practice Emotional Fitness

Getting present and real with our emotions is a step in undoing. If you have ever read The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther Hicks, a big piece of the puzzle is to actually become aware of what it is we are feeling, now. Feel your feelings. Don't worry if they are good or bad or happy or sad just get to know your emotional body.

Alchemy of the Heart

A wonderful book by Michael Brown.


The causal point of the things that occur in our everyday experience
isn't outside of us in the actions of other, but within each of us.
During our early years, we are imprinted by the emotional condition
of those responsible for us. Their emotional state overlays the
essence of who we are, so that we learn to behave like them instead
of growing up to be ourselves.

In Alchemy of the Heart, we are asked to become conscious of the ways
we were imprinted and how these imprints drive our behavior. Our
guide in achieving this course correction is the heart. The heart is
our bridge to the vibrational dimension of reality, which is
experienced as consciousness.

The language of the heart is felt-perception. This alone can truly
steer us in the right direction. It is not the same as our emotions,
which have been distorted by our early years. Through felt-
perception, the heart enables us to re-parent ourselves. Our own
wholeness then meets our needs, not other people. This frees us to
love unconditionally.

The journey is about allowing ourselves to feel life—to be present in
each moment, fully awake, so that we really experience everything.
There is no destination to arrive at, no spiritual goal. Instead, we
are offered the chance to participate actively, responsibly, and
creatively in our lives, instead of living as victims to whom life
chaotically "just happens."

Our ally in this journey into authenticity is our external
experience, which isn't simply random but accurately mirrors our
patterns of inauthentic behavior. becoming real enables us to honor
who we are in each moment of our experience.

The heart is the bow
From which the arrows of consequence
Target the quality of our human experience

World as Mirror

Noticing our external world and watching our reactions to it is a wonderful tool to let us know when we have unresolved things in our psyche. Are you having strong opinions about something or someone? Search within yourself for the place where those judgements and opinions are true about yourself. See if you can find the feeling behind the thought and give yourself space to feel the feelings. No story attached to it just let the feelings flow through you. This is a way to clear the emotional body so that you have greater access to joy.

Joy is our natural state and the reason we do not live consistently from that flow is that there are "things" stuck in our emotional body. In comes love and it is filtered through the emotional body that has been shaped by early experiences and out flows that love that is now available to you. See the places you are stuck in judgement and investigate and feel your feelings and move along confident that you now have more access to joy.

The Witness

By strengthening our witnessing self we can begin to insert pauses into our reactionary life. When we are having stressful reactions to our children this is an opportunity to take a breath and witness. When we think they should be doing or being anyway other than what they are doing or being it is a wonderful moment to stop and notice.

Become a kind witness to your mind. One of my favorite things to say to myself is "Hmmm isn't that interesting." Eventually you will be able to track that these stressful responses to your children are really your own personal stresses from the past being triggered by YOUR perception of their actions.

All of the thoughts and judgements and opinions are filtered through our past programming. When we are busy thinking and judging we are not present and connecting with our kids because we are not connected with ourselves.

Mothering the Self

In one of the Byron Katie CD's I was listening to a mother queried about mothering her son. BK replied that there is only the self that is to be mothered. Mother yourself. But what about....Mother yourself.

When my mind journeys into time and thoughts about what the kids should be doing, rather than appreciating what they/me are doing, I feel disconnected from the joyful flow of life.

I choose to experience this moment.

Emotional Imprinting

"The nature of this world is that what we do not deal with is automatically picked up and carried by our children through an imprinting process. When we enter this journey, our children are already carrying our unintegrated issues within their emotional bodies. Therefore as we begin to cleanse our own emotional body our children will simultaneously experience a shift in theirs."

The Presence Process by Michael Brown page 112

Talking about children in front of them...

I have witnessed time and time parents commenting on their children and their behavior and who they perceive them to be, right in front of them. What are these comments but perceptions that we have, observations that no longer exist except in the mind. It is all external commentary that delays the process of waking up to the moment and lulls our children to sleep. Each moment is full of lasting joy, abundance and perfection and our comments about the past keep us at arms length.

So please watch yourself and your thoughts. Become vigilant with your inner dialogue that flows into outer dialogue and watch the very words you exchange with your children, about your children, as they become the patterns that they will internalize as self talk. First step is to stop the talk and watch the mind.

Be fresh, in the moment.