Anytime you are in reaction to your kids, having an "unpleasant" emotional response to something they are doing or how you might perceive them to be, you are tapping into your unresolved feelings from your own past.
So if you find yourself being mad, stop and check in with your emotional experience. See if you can locate it in your body. See if any images from your childhood come up around this similar experience. If your child is being free and joyous in a place you might perceive as calling for more restraint, why the emotional response from you? Were you told to be quiet often in your own childhood?
To start the process of integrating these emotions, just notice and feel your feelings. Feel them in the context of the past, not the present. I am so mad at my son for not listening becomes I am so sad. My parents never listened to me. Sadness is too painful so I will be mad instead.
Practice Emotional Fitness
Getting present and real with our emotions is a step in undoing. If you have ever read The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther Hicks, a big piece of the puzzle is to actually become aware of what it is we are feeling, now. Feel your feelings. Don't worry if they are good or bad or happy or sad just get to know your emotional body.
Alchemy of the Heart
A wonderful book by Michael Brown.
ALCHEMY OF THE HEART
The causal point of the things that occur in our everyday experience
isn't outside of us in the actions of other, but within each of us.
During our early years, we are imprinted by the emotional condition
of those responsible for us. Their emotional state overlays the
essence of who we are, so that we learn to behave like them instead
of growing up to be ourselves.
In Alchemy of the Heart, we are asked to become conscious of the ways
we were imprinted and how these imprints drive our behavior. Our
guide in achieving this course correction is the heart. The heart is
our bridge to the vibrational dimension of reality, which is
experienced as consciousness.
The language of the heart is felt-perception. This alone can truly
steer us in the right direction. It is not the same as our emotions,
which have been distorted by our early years. Through felt-
perception, the heart enables us to re-parent ourselves. Our own
wholeness then meets our needs, not other people. This frees us to
love unconditionally.
The journey is about allowing ourselves to feel life—to be present in
each moment, fully awake, so that we really experience everything.
There is no destination to arrive at, no spiritual goal. Instead, we
are offered the chance to participate actively, responsibly, and
creatively in our lives, instead of living as victims to whom life
chaotically "just happens."
Our ally in this journey into authenticity is our external
experience, which isn't simply random but accurately mirrors our
patterns of inauthentic behavior. becoming real enables us to honor
who we are in each moment of our experience.
The heart is the bow
From which the arrows of consequence
Target the quality of our human experience
ALCHEMY OF THE HEART
The causal point of the things that occur in our everyday experience
isn't outside of us in the actions of other, but within each of us.
During our early years, we are imprinted by the emotional condition
of those responsible for us. Their emotional state overlays the
essence of who we are, so that we learn to behave like them instead
of growing up to be ourselves.
In Alchemy of the Heart, we are asked to become conscious of the ways
we were imprinted and how these imprints drive our behavior. Our
guide in achieving this course correction is the heart. The heart is
our bridge to the vibrational dimension of reality, which is
experienced as consciousness.
The language of the heart is felt-perception. This alone can truly
steer us in the right direction. It is not the same as our emotions,
which have been distorted by our early years. Through felt-
perception, the heart enables us to re-parent ourselves. Our own
wholeness then meets our needs, not other people. This frees us to
love unconditionally.
The journey is about allowing ourselves to feel life—to be present in
each moment, fully awake, so that we really experience everything.
There is no destination to arrive at, no spiritual goal. Instead, we
are offered the chance to participate actively, responsibly, and
creatively in our lives, instead of living as victims to whom life
chaotically "just happens."
Our ally in this journey into authenticity is our external
experience, which isn't simply random but accurately mirrors our
patterns of inauthentic behavior. becoming real enables us to honor
who we are in each moment of our experience.
The heart is the bow
From which the arrows of consequence
Target the quality of our human experience
World as Mirror
Noticing our external world and watching our reactions to it is a wonderful tool to let us know when we have unresolved things in our psyche. Are you having strong opinions about something or someone? Search within yourself for the place where those judgements and opinions are true about yourself. See if you can find the feeling behind the thought and give yourself space to feel the feelings. No story attached to it just let the feelings flow through you. This is a way to clear the emotional body so that you have greater access to joy.
Joy is our natural state and the reason we do not live consistently from that flow is that there are "things" stuck in our emotional body. In comes love and it is filtered through the emotional body that has been shaped by early experiences and out flows that love that is now available to you. See the places you are stuck in judgement and investigate and feel your feelings and move along confident that you now have more access to joy.
Joy is our natural state and the reason we do not live consistently from that flow is that there are "things" stuck in our emotional body. In comes love and it is filtered through the emotional body that has been shaped by early experiences and out flows that love that is now available to you. See the places you are stuck in judgement and investigate and feel your feelings and move along confident that you now have more access to joy.
The Witness
By strengthening our witnessing self we can begin to insert pauses into our reactionary life. When we are having stressful reactions to our children this is an opportunity to take a breath and witness. When we think they should be doing or being anyway other than what they are doing or being it is a wonderful moment to stop and notice.
Become a kind witness to your mind. One of my favorite things to say to myself is "Hmmm isn't that interesting." Eventually you will be able to track that these stressful responses to your children are really your own personal stresses from the past being triggered by YOUR perception of their actions.
All of the thoughts and judgements and opinions are filtered through our past programming. When we are busy thinking and judging we are not present and connecting with our kids because we are not connected with ourselves.
Become a kind witness to your mind. One of my favorite things to say to myself is "Hmmm isn't that interesting." Eventually you will be able to track that these stressful responses to your children are really your own personal stresses from the past being triggered by YOUR perception of their actions.
All of the thoughts and judgements and opinions are filtered through our past programming. When we are busy thinking and judging we are not present and connecting with our kids because we are not connected with ourselves.
Mothering the Self
In one of the Byron Katie CD's I was listening to a mother queried about mothering her son. BK replied that there is only the self that is to be mothered. Mother yourself. But what about....Mother yourself.
When my mind journeys into time and thoughts about what the kids should be doing, rather than appreciating what they/me are doing, I feel disconnected from the joyful flow of life.
I choose to experience this moment.
When my mind journeys into time and thoughts about what the kids should be doing, rather than appreciating what they/me are doing, I feel disconnected from the joyful flow of life.
I choose to experience this moment.
Emotional Imprinting
"The nature of this world is that what we do not deal with is automatically picked up and carried by our children through an imprinting process. When we enter this journey, our children are already carrying our unintegrated issues within their emotional bodies. Therefore as we begin to cleanse our own emotional body our children will simultaneously experience a shift in theirs."
The Presence Process by Michael Brown page 112
The Presence Process by Michael Brown page 112
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